I dreamed such odd dreams last night. However in one of them i was transitioning from Egleston to Emory, since ill be 21 in the fall. It was a traumatic experience in my dream. Ive been worried about it for about a year now but this dream gave me an uneasy feeling/ It set my day off wrong, and today when i went to clinic, it felt like i was at emory. parrish (the guy who signs me in every time) told me i didnt have an appointment. to go home. as if he hadnt been seeingme there almsot every wednesday for the last 3 years. I didnt recognize people in the halls. I didnt see Mike and Kyle sitting in the cafeteria by what they call the "runway of egleston" i didnt see my usual nurses...and i walked out crying. not from bad news, just from a frightening experience.
I felt like it was SO SURREAL but then it hit me. in a few months itll be real. Ill start over. ill be new. i wont be Mallory that everyone knows. i wont be the one that the nurse invites to her rehearsal dinner because we are THAT close. Ill just be a stranger. The security guards wont stop me to ask how im doing, because they have seen me dying, and prayed for me. or the janitors, or the parking deck attendants.
I am scared. today was a strange daym unlike any other one i have had at egleston.. but it was a wake up call... that i better get used to just being another patient. Not "MALLORYS HERE" it will be Mallory Smith, liver patient. do you remember her? which one is that again?
yikes.
